I ran across some old vhs tapes taken when Allison was anywhere between 3 and 15-16 years old, and I've been in the process of preserving them by converting them to digital format. In order to process them, I must watch the tapes as they are being converted. This is because we didn't always shoot an entire vhs (because of varying circumstances) and so I have to know when to cut off the recording process.
Today I converted a tape that was recorded by my wife when I was on deployment with the Navy. Allison was about 3 or 4 at the time. It shows scenes from when they went to the local zoo, a dance recital and Halloween of that year, and I had an absolute blast watching those again. Allison was so full of energy and life, as are most young children at that age.
One would think that watching those old videos of my daughter so soon after her passing that it might upset me...I know it would my wife. But I had the opposite reaction. I felt a reaffirmation of life, a sort of feeling that my daughter would want me to embrace life as a 3 year old does, with wonder and awe at the things that surround us and not dwell on the fact that she is gone from us forever.
But then again, watching the video took almost 3 hours and since it bouyed my spirits, I thought I'd post those positive thoughts here. But it's taken me almost a half hour to write these few words and I'm no closer to putting my feelings and thoughts into order than I was before watching the video.
I can take only so much. I've scanned photos of her and am now processing video of her. It must be done in order to preserve her memory. But I have to take it in little chunks, not like I have today...today was a bit too much.